I’m so excited about this contest for several reasons.
First–it’s hosted by one of my FAVE folks on the planet– Heather Webb at Between the Sheets- A Novelists Adventure!! (hello-FL!)
And Second– Well, I’ll just be honest here. Sometimes I feel as alone as Gollum on a desert island, out here in blog-land. I realize it’s all my fault, of course. I’ve never made blogging a big enough priority. And I know, I know.. Author platform is HUGE! So– since I am NEARLY finished with my final edit on my WIP- VIATOR. (yep, that’s right..I said FINAL! WOOT!)
So, in the spirit of trying to do better at this social media thang.. Here is my pitch for the Pitch-ilicious Blog Hop.
Pitch: VIATOR
The medieval world is a brutal place for a twenty-first century girl. Sixteen year old Hope soon discovers how brutal, when she–along with her team– must travel to the crusade-fevered 12th century. There, the travellers, or VIATORS must not only rescue Hope’s mother, who is trapped in time, but will also face off against a rival time-travelling family in an attempt to save the life of a Jewish girl from the worst massacre in English history.
2nd PITCH– and it may be even worse than the first- I totally BUTCHERED Heather’s wonderful suggestions.
Sixteen year old Hope would do anything to rescue her mother–trapped in the crusade-fevered 12th century–despite her fragile sobriety. In the brutal, medieval world, it’s not swords or plague that try to destroy Hope and her team, led by the gruff Collum MacPherson, but a rival time-travelling family. Hope fights to save the lives of her mom and a Jewish girl from the worst massacre in English history, but in doing so, is left behind to fend for herself.
Of course I love this premise. It rocks. The second sentence I created below needs a little help, but you see where I’m going with this? Also, in the third sentence, be sure to tie up the premise in Hope’s own destiny, fate, journey, etc., since she’s the protag. Nice job.
Looking forward to the others’ comments! p.s. What if I didn’t know how to add? LOL
Sixteen year old Hope would do anything to rescue her mother–trapped in the crusade-fevered 12th century–despite the XXX. But she and her team of traveling Viators, greatest danger isn’t XXX or XXX, but a rival time-travelling family. Hope XXX, to save the life of a Jewish girl from the worst massacre in English history, and XXX to secure her own fate, her mother, her XXX (or something like this).
Stuck in an extra comma by accident! Ooops.
I LOVE THIS!! I like Heather’s lay out though, not that yours isn’t good, it is and if I hadn’t seen the way she wrote it, then I would’ve thought it was fine. But the way she wrote it has a much better. But awesome job!!!!!! I really don’t have much feedback, it sounds awesome.
Interesting… I liked the first two sentences but the second got a bit wordy (not that I can talk LOL).
Hmm – she’s on a team? I might like a little more description of the team. It seems like there are a bunch of rivalries going on that will be totally intriguing. I am thinking I am going to unearth some really cool stuff when I read this. Great job!
Cool! Here’s my nitpicky comments.
-The echo of ‘brutal.’ This is what I’d do: ‘The medieval world is a brutal place for a twenty-first century girl, which sixteen year old Hope soon discovers. She and her team must travel to the crusade-fevered 12th century.’
-I like crusade-fevered.
-I think you should use either travellers or VIATORS, but not both.
-I too wonder who this team is.
-”Who is trapped in time.” The in time strikes me as funny. I understand what you’re saying, but it just feels weird. Would maybe help to add ‘in THAT time.” Or something. (But I’m not a reader of time travel books, so maybe this is completely normal to those who do.)
Good luck!
Oh, yummy! I love time travelers, and medieval history and you kick it up a notch with the rival family. Your blurb is full of awesomeness and I must agree with Heather’s great points that tighten your theme and bring in the bacon.
This sounds like a really interesting story! The last sentence seems a bit wordy; perhaps you could break it into two sentences by incorporating the first sentence into the second sentence:
“Sixteen-year-old Hope discovers the Medieval world is a brutal place for a twenty-first century girl when she and her team travel to the Crusade-fevered 12th century.
Great job
I agree with all of Suzie’s comments above.
Great premise! I do think you could cut that first sentence though and work it into the rest of the pitch, like Heather suggests, since it could be said more succinctly – and give you more space to talk about the meat of the book, the rivalries, etc. I like Heather’s suggestions a lot.
I love all your suggestions, and I promise to work on it! But I am absolutely swarmed at the real
job.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all the super suggestions and I will try to work off Heather’s model, to try and get it right!
Have I mentioned that Heather is the best??